Big, discontented sighs . . .

Lucas goes to Brian's on Saturday for his first overnight. This one was my idea because Bri has asked for him overnight on Christmas night. Christmas can be overwhelming for little ones with all the commotion, so I thought an overnight before Christmas would be wise. Plus, I'm so nervous and sad that I didn't want to spend Christmas night all freaked out because it was his first night away.

So, I have absolutely no concerns that Lucas won't be well cared for while he is away. He will be doted over, I'm sure. I think it's just that separation. I know that it's going to be foreign to him and I can't explain it to him so he can understand it. I'm still nursing a few times a day as well, so I'm worried how that's going to go over at bedtime and at wake up.

I know how important it is to grow this bond with Brian. I think I just continue to struggle with the realization that this isn't the way things were "supposed" to be. Not with marriage or anything (those are separate issues - ha ha), but with parenting. When I imagined being a mom, I never imagined having to let my one year old, still a baby, spend the night elsewhere a few times a month . . . Which will eventually grow into a few whole weekends a month. It just sucks and it makes me sad. But that's me pouting. I may never get the opportunity to have more children and this might just be the way God intended it to be for me (just not sure why yet). I am committed to making sure that Lucas has EVERY part of his family and doing what's best for him, and that is very often what doesn't feel right for me. He's gonna have a blast with his Daddy.

So, I will be sad, anxious, and so on, but hopefully that fades with time and practice. After all, I heard someone say the other day that motherhood is the art of slowly letting go. Bittersweet, and very true.

Photo Diary for the week of November 21

1. Lucas watching the Sunday night football game, naked, sitting on his cow. Priceless.

2. Thanksgiving dinner!!! He loved it.

3. Cheese! He was so proud of himself, sitting on the coffee table.

4. Sleeping in the papasan chair. He's so much bigger than when I took a similar pic a year ago!

5. Thanksgiving Eve. Lucas decides to not sleep until close to 11. Very unlike him and thankfully only a one night occurrence!

6. Lucas loves his fancy new shoes that Grandma Patty got him.

7. Eating his morning yogurt. We're really working on the spoon. But, it usually ends up everywhere!

(Sorry about this format. For some reason, on my phone I cannot do pictures with captions.)

Report Cards ala Lucas

Ok! Here they are!

Monday, November 21, 2011
"He showed off his walking skills to every teacher he saw. He inspired Adelyn to start walking at school, and was visited by teacher Allison! Lucas got to experience some VERY WINDY weather outside!!"
- Elisha

Tuesday, November 22, 2011
"Lucas loved his hat falling over his eyes! Private peek-a-boo! He enjoyed pounding the dinosaurs on the blue table, interfering with attendance and being coy!"
- Katy

Wednesday, November 23, 2011
"He's starting to stick up for himself in the room. He woke up a bit discombobulated from his morning nap."
- Elisha

Monday, November 28, 2011
"He was happy to see his friends again after the long weekend. He spent a lot of time today trying to figure out how things/toys fit together."
- Elisha

Pictures from school!

Toddler Reports

So, now that Lucas is in the toddler room, he gets "Toddler Reports" sent home. They tell all the details of his day and they also have a place for comments. Those are my favorite. I don't want to save all that paper, but I want to save the comments. I'm going to save them here! Plus, they're fun to share:

10/19/11
"Lucas was enamored by all the children today! He loved playing in the big red car and pushing it around when Natalie was in it." (Elisha)

10/21/11
"Not scared of anything! Took the first steps we've seen." (Katy)

10/24/11
"He had a lot of fun driving the big red car and knocking over the block tower Jaxsen and I were building. He ate really well and seems to be having the easiest transition ever." (Elisha)

11/2/11
"He's having a great morning! He definitely likes to people watch and he's still very interested in everything Natalie A. does." (Elisha)

11/14/11
"He is having a great time today! All the teachers think he grew over the weekend! He is walking more and more. Now he walks w/ me holding onto 1 hand. I think he's trying to decide if walking is faster than crawling." (Elisha)

11/15/11
"Lucas becomes confused when the other children cry, as if he doesn't understand what all the fuss is about." (Katy)

11/16/11
"Lucas is such a joy to have in class. Today he was laughing at Soren and Natalie. They were a trio of friends." (Elisha)

11/17/11
"I feel like Lucas' trust and knowledge of the classroom environment allows him to adjust more easily than other children. Good job, Mom!" (Katy) She also wrote, "Lucas is an expert tower destroyer."

11/18/11
"Lucas was very adventurous today. He tried really hard to get Marcus to chase him. He seemed sad when Marcus couldn't figure it out." (Elisha)

These are so awesome. I love the comments. They make me feel better about leaving him all day!

One year. . .

It's amazing how much difference a year can make. I'm pretty sure I look 5 years older than I did a year ago. Half my hair fell out. I have stretch marks. My house is always messy and I don't get a lot of chances to sit down. I don't have any extra money, I'm single and I'm exhausted. But you know what? I love my son. I love being a mom. I blessed and so thankful that I have a healthy, smart and beautiful one year old Lucas. All of these experiences have made me a better person. I work very hard to remember this every moment of the day. I'm grateful. Happy Birthday Lucas! I love you!!

Maybe I am just too mellow

We have all these moms at work who just baffle me. One in particular who just gets so bent out of shape about everything. Instead of enjoying their small children they are lost in this cycle of working mom guilt and introspection that distracts them from seeing the FUN part of watching a child grow!

Relax! Take a moment and laugh at yourself. I fully believe that parents are their child's most important teacher, but that doesn't mean you can learn from others too!

Let them get messy. Let them stay up late and get off schedule sometimes. Let them have refined sugar and French fries every so often. Let them discover on their own without you hovering. It's hard to let go of that control, but it's crucial.