Saturday, January 21, 2012

The week of January 16 . . .

January 16, 2012
"Lucas enjoyed watching the snow and trying to climb the bookshelf with Soren and Max. He didn't want to go down for a nap! Lucas was using very clear signing today!"
- Ilana

January 17, 2012
"Lucas had a pretty good morning! He read books and helped me put other kids to sleep. He loves Cheerios more than life! He sat and ate them with milk for 40 minutes. I had to cut him off!"
- Elisha

January 18, 2012
"Lucas has been very sweet and funny today! He's testing the other children's boundaries. Sometimes I wonder if Lucas takes other children's toys just to see if they'll allow him - not because he wants anything in particular."
- Katy

January 19, 2012
"Lucas did much better today after some medicine . . . Such a chatterbox today! He had fun doing calisthenics and playing with Bilibos."
- Ilana

January 20, 2012
"Lucas was very busy today! He got to paint and gave Natalie S. a ton of hugs. He got to eat beans, bread and sweet potato fries for lunch so he was in heaven!"

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Time

I find myself searching for more time. I do this now way more than I ever have before. I feel like there isn't ever enough time in the day to do everything without sacrificing something. So what do you sacrifice and how do you deal with that?

I think some of this is the product of it just being Lucas and I, which makes me primarily responsible for everything that comes with taking care of a house. I'm not splitting duties with anyone. I also work full time in a job that can be mighty stressful. I know I'm not as good of a boss as I used to be, but I think I'm ok with that.

I'm not good at balancing this all out so it feels good. Maybe that's what it means to be a grown up.

I think about other single parents I've watched do this and I am left skeptical. I work full time and have a son. I'm not going to school, I don't have multiple kids, I don't have multiple jobs, my knitting is basically in a constant state of hibernation, and I'm not dating anyone. Yet I have seen countless others do more than one of these "extras" along with working and being a single parent. I'm skeptical that they weren't in a constant state of panic and stress.

Adding anything at this moment would make me question my quality time spent with Lucas. But I want to knit and get my master's degree. I want to have more kids. I want to have a yard to take care of. But I want to be the best mom I can be first. I don't want Lucas spending more time in childcare, in front of a tv, or with a babysitter than he has to. I want to take him camping and swimming and roller skating. I don't want to be the cranky, stressed out mom.

None of this really makes any logical sense except that I know it's a process. There will never be a magic formula. It's always going to be cluttered. Perfection doesn't exist in this journey. I'm always going to be sleep deprived. But when I look back, it will all be worth it and I'll have learned so much (I already have).

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Grumpy.

Oh Lucas Elijah. I am thankful for you on days like today, where I feel grumpy about most everything else . . . even though you did dunk your baby monitor in the toilet. (: I think that's love.

Toddler Report Comments 12/8/11 to 1/13/12

December 8, 2011
"Had a good time in the indoor playground; loves pushing the big bouncy balls . . . petting Benjamin, letting us know he was unhappy with the current state of things, falling down from being tired."
 - Katy

December 12, 2011
"Katy and I think he's getting taller!!  She says he's beginning to grow a neck.  I love how it's getting easier and easier to communicate with him."
- Elisha

December 13, 2011
"Lucas squeals like a valley girl when he bounces the big red exercise ball.  He had fun going headfirst down the indoor slide, paying in the toy bucket, and throwing himself down on the ground!  Lucas is really starting to interact with the other kids. No one in particular yet, but it's fun to see him starting to form relationships."
- Katy

December 21, 2011
"Lucas had a bit of a wobbly morning.  He was falling all over the place.  He had a blast working on Dad's Xmas gift (top secret Christmas activity)."
- Elisha

December 22, 2011
"Lucas enjoyed racing trucks down the slide and throwing the dino legos."
- Katy

December 23, 2011
"Played brutal games of King of the Slide with Soren! Lucas really knows how to throw his weight around! Lucas has started cleaning up without even being asked!  Hope this transfers to home.  (:  "
- Katy

December 27, 2011
"Lucas has a giant appetite, drinking a ton of fluids.  Yay!  I watched Lucas barter his milk for Opal's corn at lunch.  Such a smarty pants!"
- Katy

December 28, 2011
"Lucas spend the day diving - into the petal pool, down the slide, out of the high chair and into the animals!  He enjoyed row, row, rowing the boat and being a daredevil!  Roley Poley!"
- Katy

December 29, 2011
"Lucas loves to play King of the Hill with his big quarterback shoulders. He was a trooper about his bottom for us."
- Katy

December 30, 2011
"Lucas had a great day of laughing and asking, 'What's this?' . . . experimenting with different ways/positions of going down the slide.  Also experimenting with different objects that could go down the slide.  Also, I think he scratched himself in his sleep.  It wasn't there before I put him to sleep this morning!"
- Elisha

January 2, 2012
"Lucas is having a John Cusack kind of day.  Not Joan, but John.  He enjoyed being a baller, climbing on top of everything, singing, learning shapes.  Ilana said today, 'I like Lucas because I feel like he manifests outwardly all the things Jamie can't express because she has to be professional.' I think this is accurate!"
- Katy


That one is one of my favorites I've gotten.


January 3, 2012
"I was sick all morning but happy to have another try at breakfast . . . I enjoyed napping, breathing, smiling, and staying warm outside."
- Elisha
(This was the day we went to the doctor with the wheezing).


You'll notice a little break in reports here as Lucas was pretty sick during this time . . .

January 9, 2012
"He had a great morning.  He was happy to see his friends again.  He ate a lot of apples at breakfast and a TON of mashed potatoes at lunch.  He had a blast waving to me from across the play yard today."
- Elisha

January 10, 2012
"He couldn't sleep this morning.  Katy and I both tried for 45 minutes total.  He would almost fall asleep and then wake up.  He's got rosy cheeks, so we think his teeth hurt.  We also think he may be procrastinating for an 'all nighter'.  I had a great time playing cars with him on the slide.  I was at the top sending the cars down towards him.  He thought this was pretty funny."
- Elisha

January 11, 2012
"Lucas was hugging all his friends today and showing them 'gentle touches'.  He also played peek-a-boo with Natalie A."
- Elisha

January 12, 2012
"You're right! Lucas is climbing things for attention and he does not like it when he gets the wrong kind!"
- Katy

January 13, 2012
"Lucas loved watching the older 1-year-olds run around and had a great time learning how to play and sing 'Jumping Bean', 'Hopping on One Foot', and 'Ring Around the Rosie'."
- Elisha
(On a side note for this one, Elisha told me that Lucas thinks he can "run".  He walks still, but folds his arms up by his sides like you do when you run and just moves them back and forth really fast, as to simulate running.  Ha!)

It's Been TOOOOO Long!

Lucas has been sick, sick, sick since after the last post I wrote.  He got the respiratory funk, which caused him to wheeze.  This caused ME to take him to the doctor.  They thought he sounded like he had pneumonia, but weren't sure.  He did have a double ear infection so they put him on an antibiotic that would help the ear infection AND the breathing.  They put him on Augmentin which is a pretty brutal antibiotic on the digestive system for 95% of kids I've seen on it.  But, it was stronger than the standard Amoxicillan, so we went with it.  He was so sick that we had to skip going to see the Warm Beach Lights of Christmas in Stanwood.  Next years, right?

Just as soon as the holidays hit, a few days into the antibiotic, he got the stomach flu.  This wasn't from the antibiotics.  He threw up multiple times all over at Christmas Eve, then had diarrhea non-stop.  It was a mess.  But his respiratory junk was going away.  After Christmas, he's recovered from the stomach flu (but successfully given it to my mom, dad and grandma) and is almost done with the respiratory funk too!  However, his system has now succumbed to the antibiotic side effects.  The diarrhea from the antibiotics is now just shredding his poor bottom.  His toddler teachers and I were strategizing every which way we could help this situation.  We finalized our plan with a first layer of the Zinc Cream (because it heals the rash), then a layer of A&D Ointment (because it protects the bottom), and finally a heavy dusting of powder (which helps it not to stick all over the diaper but instead stay on his bottom).  It worked - no more bleeding rash!

So Lucas finishes his Augmentin the Thursday before New Year's Eve.  He doesn't have any symptoms and he has about two days or so of healthy living.  Then New Year's Day he wakes up all snotty.  That next day, Monday, he's developed a cough again.  Tuesday morning, I wasn't even sure I should take him to school.  But, he wasn't running a fever or anything, so I tried it.  Somewhere between early and mid morning, Lucas' breathing became exceedingly worrisome to Elisha.  She let me know, trying not to freak me out, and I immediately called the doctor.  They get him in (that's the great thing about Peacehealth).  We actually get to see the doctor that cared for him at the hospital when he was first born, Dr. Kelly.  She hasn't seen him since we got in that ambulance bound for Seattle Children's!

Anyway, by the time we get to the doctor's he was wheezing pretty badly.  He had developed a fever as well and was just miserable.  They hooked up the oxygen sensor to his finger and he was registering anywhere between 85 and 89 percent.  He is supposed to be at 98 to 100 percent.  They start to get worried at 93-95 percent.  So the 80's are pretty bad.  The nurse looks completely scared and then I start to freak out a little inside.  I was mentally preparing myself for another stay at St. Joe's.  Can you imagine staying in a hospital with a mobile toddler?  Oh man, that would be so hard.

They dose him up with two steroids - one oral (like prednazone) and one in the nebulizer with his albuterol.  After both of those kick in, about 45 minutes or so, he has improved to 92-93%.  Thank God.  And I didn't realize how ashy his skin was until he had the normal color to it.  He perked up a little bit.  The doctor came back in and told me that he STILL had his double ear infection.  So, they decided to give him antibiotics via injections - one a day for 3 days.  We'd be back each day.  He falls asleep on me in the 45 minutes it takes them to get the shot ready, of course.  So, he wakes up to us putting him on the cold table and then getting a shot in each leg.  It was awful.  They tell me I need to wait an additional 30 minutes to make sure he doesn't have an allergic reaction to the shot (we have to do this EACH time he has the shot in the next two days too).  So they leave the room and I attempt to comfort my little guy.

He's still sniffling and half awake, laying on me, and he gets this look on his face that I've recently seen.  It's his "I'm going to throw up all over you" face.  And he does just that.  He throws up all over me, all over himself, all over the floor and the bench.  I don't even move until he's done throwing up all over.  Of course, at breakfast this morning he's had massive amounts of french toast and pears.  Cinnamon throw up.  (:  I stand up gingerly and open the door out into the doctor's office - which is adjacent to the front desk area where all the receptionists are working.  They just stared at me!!  It felt like they were staring at me forever!  I finally said, "Um, can I get a little help?"  And they got me some towels and at my request, a nurse to help me clean up and move to a new room.  Of course, #1 mom here didn't pack any extra clothes for Lucas (and of course, I'm covered in vomit as well), so they bring me a hospital gown to put him in.  Me, I'm stuck with puke clothes.



The next few days are filled with tons of nebulizer treatments (even some in the middle of the night), steroids, and visits back to the doctor for antibiotic injections.  On Wednesday, they decide to give him a chest x-ray because they hear both a rattle and a wheeze in his chest that they think might be pneumonia.  The chest x-ray process is really crazy.  They strip him down to his diaper and put him in this contraption where his arms are sticking straight up.  This clear plexiglass, adjustable tube is covering his chest and helping to keep his arms up, while just giving him enough room to poke his little head out.  Then they strap it closed.  They kept preparing me for the fact that he would cry and kept saying, "It's okay if you want to step outside."  I felt like saying, "Yes, that's just what my frightened toddler needs.  He's already freaked out because he's in contraption of death, let me just leave him in this room with a half dozen strangers."  I guess there are parents that can't handle this though, and it would be better for the child not to see their mom or dad having a panic attack in the corner of the x-ray room.  He had his x-ray, which was much easier than half the procedures we did at Children's Hospital, and it was confirmed that he has "bilateral pneumonia".  After his third injection shot, we then add on a prescription of Zithromax.  This is now his fourth antibiotic since late October. 

So, he finishes with his Zithromax on this past Wednesday.  He's symptom free.  But this weekend (14th and 15th) he's sleeping in much later than he normally does.  He's beginning to sneeze and it seems to me that he is getting sick again.  I think I just might scream.  Not for me, but because I imagine this must just really suck for him to feel so crappy all the time.  I hate that I have to give him nebulizer treatments all the time.  That's about an hour a day that he's stuck sitting in my lap breathing in vapors.  I also don't want to give him any more steroids or antibiotics than I have to.  If he keeps sprouting this never ending ear infection, we may want to consider tubes.

I'll keep you updated as I am trying to be proactive this time and will call the doctor's office on Monday for a follow up.  If I can catch this before it gets bad, it will be the best for Lucas, hands down.  Thank God my job is so patient with me in this process, I've missed a lot of work lately.

On a very happy, positive, HEALTHY note:  We went to Children's Hospital in Seattle on Friday, January 6.  I was hoping for it to be his last appointment with the neurology department, and it was!!  They told me his development looked right on and that I only needed to return if I noticed his milestones were delayed in any way.  It was really interesting because in this visit, they focused more on his cognitive development and less on his physical development.  They wanted to make sure that he was developing language at an acceptable rate. 

The following Monday, his Occupational Therapist, Stephanie and the resource coordinator, Julie, came to see Lucas at school.  We all made the hard decision that we would end services.  It was only a hard decision because I've come to really like both Stephanie and Julie.  The whole Center for Early Learning is such a fantastic resource and they've been both helpful and super supportive on so many levels.  I've been nothing but impressed with them.  But, Lucas is thriving and there's no reason to take up those valuable resources that other children need when he's doing just fine.  So, we said our goodbyes and I promised them I would send bi-annual pictures and cards (Megan, it's your job to remind me - June and December).  They were so impressed with his progress.  Apparently only about 25% of kids "graduate" out from the program.  Lucas is in the minority and I am eternally thankful for that.

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