It's been a rough month for us . . .

I always tell people who ask about this blog that it's just about finding the time.  I try to write them on the days that Brian takes Lucas because I can high tail it to Starbucks, use the free internet (I don't have internet at home), and write away.  I can make use of the internet on my phone, but it's pretty painful to type on that little screen. The last few weeks, I've been lucky if I can just come up for air, let alone writing  a blog post.

Lucas has been sick a lot.  The asthma thing is virtually non-existent except when he gets sick.  Then it's like a war is being waged on his lungs.  This last time he was sick was harder on him and I more than normal, for a variety of reason.  For Lucas, this is his umpteenth time getting sick this season.  With this bout of pneumonia, it marks the 4th x-ray since January, the 7th dose of antibiotics since late October, and I can't even begin to count the amount of times we've gone to the doctor.  He's had pneumonia like three times.  It won't go away.  He's such a little trooper.  When he's on the antibiotics, he's great!  He's healthy, he breathes just fine.  But (and this makes me nervous for next week after Easter), about 5 days or so after the antibiotics have stopped, it's like he gets another cold and we start again.  For him, this is brutal on his body.  He's on an inhaled steroid two times per day via inhaler.  The asthma/allergist was trying to make my life easier by using an inhaler.  But, with this medication (Q-var) you have to be super conscious about rinsing your mouth out after each puff.  Well, Lucas is 1, he's not going to rinse his mouth out.  So, I brush his teeth after he gets his puffs.  He hates the inhaler.  I have to hold him down to give it.  And he's growing to equally hate the tooth brushing too.  He liked it at first.  He enjoyed the flavor of the toothpaste.  I bought him this natural stuff at the Co-Op that isn't filled with massive amounts of things I can't pronounce - it's a kids' toothpaste.  But now, the novelty has worn off, and he hates it.

He's on albuterol too.  We started with the inhaler, but he promptly got sick and we moved back to the nebulizer because it's more effective.  It takes way more time, but I feel like it works better in these severe situations.  He was on that every four hours at the beginning (even in the middle of the night - ugh).  Now I've just been giving it to him here and there. 

He's on the asthma drug "Singulair".  He enjoys this drug greatly because it's a chewable and it tastes like berries.  I don't mid it much either.

He's on Augmentin - an antibiotic - which messed his system all up last time he was on it.  He's on it for 14 days.  To counteract the antibiotic, he's on a child probiotic so he doesn't get a neverending case of diarrhea. 

He's teething like crazy - those pesky eye teeth - so I have to give him a fair amount of pain reliever. 

I've also started giving him a multivitamin.  I started with the dropper of medicine, and it tasted like crap, apparently, because he refused it after the first day or two (I don't blame him).  So I bought a child's chewable multivitamin, hoping for the same success as the Singulair.  But, vitamins are a different beast.  It's much harder than the Singulair, so it takes him forever to dissolve it in his mouth.  And, he drools it all over himself and any surface that is around him (including the carpet).  And, after multiple washings, we've discovered this vitamin drool stains.  So, we've been having our daily vitamin in the mornings at the high chair, with some success.

Then there's the flouride.

My God, I WANT to be one of these moms who's able to provide a non-invasive place for my child to grow healthy.  I try to stay away from the pesticides, the high fructose corn syrup, the artificial crap, the McDonald's, all of that.  I try to be the good crunchy granola mom that Bellingham has tried to make me.  It won't even matter because Lucas is going to get all his nastiness from the medical world!  Which leads me into my tough parts of his illness . . .

This last round of pneumonia was more difficult because as Lucas continues to get sick, I have more and more people telling me what I "should" be doing.  Some of these people have very valid points, some of them are doctors, some people have no idea what they're talking about.  This makes it very difficult for me, the one who's the primary caretaker during sick times.  The doctors tell me different things.  Lucas has an asthma/allergy doctor now and still his pediatrician.  I like both of them.  But it's not like we get to sit down and have a meeting, all of us, to talk as a team.  I LOVED that about the services Lucas received through the Center for Early Learning.  So well organized. 

Brian, of course, has an opinion.  I really try to take what he says and apply it to the situation because he is the other half of this picture.  But he's now getting advice from someone that Rachel works with.  They wrote Lucas up a care plan, I guess, but haven't seen him (I think just by going off of what they're hearing).   I want people to know that I value their opinions and advice, because I do.  But at some point I can't spread out all the medical advice and make it all fit.  I can't DO everything people encourage me to do because there's no possible way.  I valued the advice on the care plan, but was irritated that they wrote up a plan for him when they hadn't even evaluated him.  This may be what Brian called it though, it just could have been written advice and nothing more.  I always have to remember that I'm getting third hand knowledge as well.

Brian felt pretty strongly that Lucas didn't have another round of Prednisone.  H was really concerned about the side effects.  I had been concerned, but I think he was more concerned, so because I didn't have a strong opinion one way or the other, I defaulted to him.  Of course, when Lucas went to the doctor, the first thing they wanted to do was put him on Prednisone.  And because Brian needed to work, I was the one who got to duke it out with his doctors. 

At this point I'd like to take a moment to say, as much as I bitch about my job (and I will bitch here in a little bit), I have such an understanding work place for these issues.  I didn't get one word of discouragement or frustration because I missed so much of work.  On the contrary, they were all super concerned for Lucas.  I am so lucky for that.

So, I told the doctors that I'd rather have them hospitalize Lucas than put him on Prednisone again at this point.  It's hard going to these appointments on my own sometimes.  It wouldn't be hard if it was just me, you know?  Like if Brian was just never around and I didn't have to worry as much about representing both of us at these appointments, I'd feel more confident going with my gut.  But, because Brian is very present in Lucas' life, I feel like I need to be a voice for both of us.  That's the difficult part because I don't always know what his opinion is, and it's not always easy to get a hold of him.  As much as I don't WANT to care, if I mess up and make a decision that he feels might be a bad choice for Lucas, I do feel guilty about it.  Old habits, right?  This doesn't apply when I have a very strong opinion about something though.  Then I feel prepared and informed and I can fight to the death.  (:

Brian is coming to Lucas' next two big appointments, which I am very thankful for.  I don't know if he got the gist that I was frustrated and is coming, or if he's not happy with my representation of us both.  But, he'll be there.  He can ask his questions and I won't have to be that third party intermediary.  

The other frustrating part of Lucas' recent illnesses (aside from him being my poor sick baby), is that I can't work.  I have a job that is probably at least a 70 hour work week - so the work of two people.  I only have my 40 hours and Elisha to help me about 15 hours a week.  That leaves me 15 hours short, so I have to make up for that here and there.  When I miss multiple days of work, this wreaks havoc on my already NUTS work life.  I had an ungodly amount of voicemail messages when I came back to work.  I have to work to pay for Lucas and my life.  My job is very good to me in the benefits section and the flexibility (maybe not so much the pay), so it's not necessarily about choosing to do something different, it's just really hard to balance.  Brian's job pays better, but is not so good with the flexibility and benefits.  He can't miss the days because he doesn't get sick pay.  So, he does what he can here and there, but I usually take the bulk of it.  And the other people in my life work too, and they have other obligations.  I'm already awful at asking for help.

Then, the doctor, I was so irritated, she said to me, "Well, can you make another choice for his childcare option?  Could you put him in a smaller setting or have someone watch him one-on-one."  Yeah, sure, I have all the money in the world.  The amount of money that I pay for childcare is so minimal compared to how much I'd be paying if I wasn't a staff member.  I'd be paying more than my rent.  I don't qualify for any assistance, I'm just above the line.  Putting him in a smaller center would be more expensive than the full price at my current center.  Putting him in a smaller home setting would still be quite a bit more money than I pay now (and it's a home center - I have no idea what a quality home center looks like).  Paying for a nanny would be the MOST expensive.  When I told her it really wasn't plausible, she kind of led me to believe that this was the reason he's getting sick.  He just can't handle all the children.  I disagree with this - I think there are more germs he's exposed to, yes.  But, I also think it's unusual that he gets the SAME thing over and over.  That's not the norm with his peers.  Plus, what kind of awesome thing is it to have your mom on call in your classroom.  I hire all the teachers he has.  I know they have their background checks and all the qualifications.  It's a the safest place I can ensure for Lucas while I work full time.

I was frustrated. 

Lucas is much better now.  His antibiotics will end on Wednesday.  He goes to the doctor on Friday to get checked out again.  I think they're going to x-ray him again to make sure the pneumonia is gone.  He goes back to the asthma/allergist on Friday the 13th (spooky).  He'll get scratch tested for dogs, cats, dust, milk, soy, gluten, eggs, and tree nuts.  Then Monday the 16th, Brian and I will go to Everett to a satellite of Children's Hospital for a pediatric pulmonary consult.  Here's to MORE advice.  Hopefully, the right advice.

On a happier, much more positive note (because I'm really NOT a negative person ALL the time), Lucas is growing like crazy.  His recent thing is jumping.  Jumping off of everything and jumping while he stands on the ground.  Of course, he's not actually jumping.  His muscles aren't strong enough and he doesn't have the skill for it yet.  He takes his right leg and stomps it on the ground and says, "Jump!" in this low voice.  It sounds more like, "Gump!"  He's very proud of himself when he does this.  He also doesn't jump off of furniture.  He actually just steps off of it, falling on his bottom, legs, head, and so on.  He has bruises all over his legs.  I told him on Friday morning that he looked like an old pear!  But he does it over and over again.  I tried for awhile to stop it every time he did it.  This made him do it more.  So, I try very hard to ignore it, while being very close by.  Of course, I'm not REALLY ignoring it, but he things I am.  And then I can be right there if he comes plummeting down on his head.  I do step in and stop him if he does really careless things (like trying to jump off the back of the couch).  I'm hoping the natural consequences of falling are going to teach him very soon that it's not all that fun to fall off the chair or coffee table.  But, I know from stories that Brian was also very "active" and that he's probably going to break his arm before he's three.  Ha ha. 

Lucas is also very into cats and dogs.  He loves talking about them.  We read a book this week with a bunny, and he also really likes the rabbit too.  He thinks the sound that a rooster makes is absolutely awesome.  He growls for all of the animal sounds, except the rooster.  When he sees a cow, he growls, no matter how much I moo at him.  He's also really into trucks, of course.  Every time he sees a truck on the road he points it out and yells, "kkkruck!"  He loves the city bus too.  I think I need to take him on a bus ride soon.

Right now, Lucas' favorite foods consist of those Annie's Bunny Graham Crackers, Bananas, Apples, Pears, Green Beans, Peas, and really, any crackers.  I switched him to soy milk at home, at Brian's suggestion, to cut down on mucus.  He doesn't seem to mind.  He also LOVES cheerios and oatmeal.  I feed him everything I eat at meals though, whether he eats it or not.  Toddler does not live on crackers alone.   (:

Every morning before work Lucas helps me brew the coffee on the Keurig.  He gets excited and we do the "Hot Coffee" dance that I've made up a chant for.  He opens it up and pulls out the old cartridge, with my assistance, throws it in the garbage, puts the new one in, closes it and presses the button.  He often gets distracted along the way so I have to finish.  But when it starts brewing he gets all excited.  He also enjoys stirring the coffeemate into the hot coffee.  Now, every time he sees a coffee cup he says, "Hot!" 

Lucas is starting to recognize and remember places we go.  He knows the Play Cafe and grows impatient when we have to wait to pay.  He recognizes "Grandma and Grandpa's" house (my parents) and says, "Cat!" when we pull up.  He knows where the crackers are kept at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  Ha ha.  He knows that I'm often in my office at work and will occasionally pound on the window and yell, "Hi!  Hi!  Hi!"

Lucas says a lot of words too - Cat ("Ca"), Puppy ("Puhhp"), Cracker ("Crackrrr"), Mama, Dada, Night-Night ("Ny-Ny"), Bye Bye, Hi, More ("Mohhr"), All Done ("Ah Da"), Car ("Ca"), Truck ("Kruck"), Cup ("Cu"), Book ("Buhhk"), Block ("Blohhhk"), Coat ("Coh"), Socks ("Soh"), What's That (Dat?), and Yeah.  He's repeating a bunch of stuff too - he's repeated Megan ("Meh") and Elisha's ("Eshah") names, he's repeated Grandma and Grandpa (sounds like "Boma" and "Bompa"), he's repeated Van ("Va") and this morning I swear he repeated Rocket's name ("Rohh").  I know there's way more.  These are just the ones that seem obvious to me!

But . . . Lucas is still waking up at 5:00 am - even though we had daylight savings!  Bah!