Flowers from Lucas

Lucas' Grandma and Aunt came to see him today and take him out for a visit at school.  He came back and brought me flowers.  (:  Pretty purple flowers from Lucas.  Thanks Lucas!

Yesterday Lucas and I had a power struggle over cleaning up.  I was finishing up taking a shower and Lucas came into the bathroom and dumped out my basket of baby shampoo bottles all over the floor.  It wasn't the actual contents of the bottles, but the bottles themselves.  Not a big deal, but we've been working on cleaning up our messes after we've made them.  Let me tell you . . . you have to start early!  So, when it came time for Lucas to take a bath, which is the norm for our routine, I told him he had to clean up before he got in the tub.

He did everything he could not to clean up.  He played cute.  He "pretended" to clean up the bottles.  He moved them around.  He stared at them.  But most of all, he ignored me.  I know very well that he knows how to clean up.  He's actually REALLY good at it.  He's one of the best cleaners in the toddler room.  He's just like his ever-stubborn mother in that he wants to do it on his own terms.  So, in a fruitless effort to teach him logical consequences, we went head to head.

Like I said above, I first told him that he couldn't get in the bath and play with his trucks (a very anticipated event of the day) if he didn't clean up.  That bummed him out, but not enough to clean up.  Then I tried to coach him through it . . . "Lucas, you should grab that pink bottle and put it in the basket!"  No go.  Then I got more frustrated and told him he had to sit down unless he was going to clean up.  We did this a lot.  He'd agree to clean up, I'd allow him to get up, he wouldn't clean up.  Ha ha.  If I used the term "time out", he'd get upset.  I can tell Brian has used that term with him because they don't use it at school and I don't usually use it.  In the field of early childhood, "time out" has kind of gotten a bad connotation because it's been overused.  People do time out's for every little thing, and for children of this age, it doesn't always teach them anything.  Plus, when they get older we try to teach them that taking "a break" can help to clear your head and calm you down.  When we use it as a punishment all the time, it's completely negative and no child wants to take a time out. 

But, sometimes that's the last thing you can do.  So I struggled for 45 minutes to find what works for Lucas.  This will be a puzzle that I will work on for the next 18 years.  I started feeling ridiculous after 45 minutes because the "child development" education major in me was nagging at my conscious.  After 45 minutes a toddler is not getting it any more.  He probably doesn't even remember making this mess.  The window of opportunity has probably passed.  He's not 3 yet.  Plus, I needed to get to work eventually and he desperately needed a bath.  So I picked up all his trucks and bath toys and put them away.  I told him he had to take a bath without toys because he hadn't picked up the last mess he'd made.  He didn't get it.  I know he didn't get it because it didn't really seem to phase him.  But it made me feel better.  (:

I was talking about it with Elisha later, and I think next time I would ask him to leave the bathroom (because at the beginning, I was still in the bathroom getting ready and all that) and then close the door.  I'd tell him that if he couldn't take care of his "bathroom things" that he couldn't be in the bathroom.  I think at the time, that would have made him really mad.  And I think taking away that "cool bathroom experience" would help him understand a little bit.  Who knows.  But, I'm proud of myself because during the entire experience I didn't get frustrated or raise my voice or anything like that.  I put on my firm teacher voice and my teacher face (or, I guess my mom voice and face), but I didn't yell at him and I didn't lose my patience.

Lucas REALLY responds to positive reinforcement.  He likes to have that positive attention.  I can tell that already.  He could care less about getting a "punishment", but he thrives on people watching and giving him that "thumbs up".  I have a book I need to read that we ordered for work that talks about how to work with kids in that positive way.  I think if I focus too much on the negative reinforcement and punishments he will naturally just do what he wants.  He seems to need more motivation. 

But he also needs to understand that there are natural consequences to his behaviors.  This is why I sometimes let him fall, let him feel the cold of the air when he doesn't wear a coat, let him push the cat to the point where they fight back (although they never have, silly cats).  He needs to know that there are natural consequences, outside of mama and daddy, that will happen if he makes those choices.  But I also need to protect him - so no, you cannot touch the stove.  You cannot climb up and try to stand on the balcony edge.  You cannot run out into the street.  Those are not logical consequences that will teach you anything you'll easily recover from!  Such a delicate balance it is. 

I used to think that I didn't like puzzles or mysteries, but the more I look at my life and the things I work on the most, the more I see that I deal with puzzles all the time.  Lucas is just my most loved puzzle.  (: