Best frame of mind

One random day last week, while driving to the grocery store, Lucas said from. The backseat, "Mom, today is the bestest day!" And it was just a normal day. Kids teach you so much. I want to wake up and say, "Today is the bestest day!" Good thinking little man.

Let's get it together Jamie!

Megan told me that I must blog tonight.  I said to Lucas, "I need to update your blog."  He got this look on his face, very confused, and he said very slowly, "Blog?"  You know, the place where I write all about you and I?  The place you'll make me take down when you're a teenager?  So here I am Megan!

My little, tiny, tube-fed baby is now a big, chatty, smart three-year-old.  How'd that happen?  I know, I know.  It just keeps getting faster.  No one needs to tell me that anymore.  Rawr!

I'm having so much fun with Lucas right now.  We do lots of really fun things and he makes me laugh a ton.  He says the funniest things.  I try really hard to really listen to Lucas and not be that parent who just nods and says, "Uh huh."  But, my goodness, I feel like I'm being pulled in seven different directions between my work, housework, work, cooking, work, grocery shopping, work, stretching my thin budget, work, parenting, oh, and WORK.  I am extremely blessed to have a job where #1, I get to be in the same place with my son all day.  I hire all his teachers.  I know way more of what's going on than I would know if I was dropping him off in some random school.  #2, I get a 50% discount on childcare.  There's no way I'd be able to afford full-time childcare without this discount.  I don't qualify for DSHS assistance (by like, $50).  It's crucial for us and our financial survival.  And, #3, I get a huge amount of vacation and sick pay so when Lucas gets sick for 3 days in a row, like this week, I can actually afford to be gone (at least financially).

But, my job is brutally stressful.  I'm stretched thin.  I don't have enough help.  I don't have the resources to pay the staff what they deserve, which means they leave . . . a lot.  I have too much to do, which means I need to prioritize and some things get left behind.  This makes me look flakey and I can't succeed.  It's kind of a cycle.  I can never do my best when I don't have the resources to even get close.  But that feels like a reflection of my work ethic.

I try really hard to separate work and home life, but I have a job where that can creep in.  I get texts at night or in the morning.  People get sick.  People forget their key to the building.  So, the stress from work can creep into home.  I've made very significant strides in this since Brian and I were married.  I try very hard to take my vacation time, all of it, each year.  I have put way more responsibility on my teachers now than I used to.  But, it feels like where I've made strides to leave more at work, they've added on more responsibilities to my daily workload.

Is there a point to this bitching?  Yes.  I think my biggest struggle as a parent is that I don't have enough time to really play with Lucas as much as I want to.  I have double the responsibilities that a couple would because I am solely responsible for the cleaning, shopping, budgeting, cooking, you name it.  Everyone is always like, "Hey, Jamie, what are you going to do when Lucas is at his dad's this weekend?  Big plans?"  Ha!  Well, first they'll be a little bit of exciting GROCERY SHOPPING!  And then, VACUUMING!  And maybe, I'LL SLEEP TILL 6!  Well Jamie, why don't you go out and meet people, date?  Oh yeah?  Maybe like, at a bar (gross)?  With all my plethora of male friends?  With all the men I meet in my job?  No, no, no.  It's a lot harder than it seems.  I'm always looking at these women who jump back into relationships after a failed on, the single moms, and I am flabbergasted.  Where the hell are they meeting all these guys?  I think I might just be picky (although, to be fair, I've had like 0 chances to be picky, thank you).

In any case, after my rant, I use this time to cook and clean so that when Lucas comes home I can actually spend some time with him.  And even during that time I feel like I'm having to tell him that I've got to clean the kitchen for a few more minutes, and so on.  Maybe I just over think it.  I just feel like there has to be a better way for me to spend that quality time AND get that other crap done AND think about things like dating (because I really, really want to have more kids, and NOT by myself again).

I think my new anti-food diet is making me cranky!  And, shouldn't I be losing some pounds here?!  Come on!  Give a girl a break!  (:

Funny Lucas story to end the evening, because that's really what we all want to read, funny Lucas stories.  This summer, my friend Brianne was cooking for the Y.  While Lucas and I were eating breakfast one morning, at home, Brianne had called and said that she'd set off the fire alarm cooking because she'd burned something.  The fire department had to come and check the building out before her, the other teachers, and all the 1 and 2 year olds could come back inside.  I asked what she was cooking and she told me she was boiling carrots!  This was hilarious.  And Lucas thought it was funny too.  But this was in July-ish.  Almost 5 months ago.

Tonight, Lucas was pretend cooking.  He was making him and I carrots.  I was in the living room and he was in the kitchen.  He yelled to me, "Hey mom!  I'm making some carrots for us."  I said, "Ohh, Mmmm, thank you!"  And then he said, "But, don't worry, I not burn them!" His memory is impeccable.  Can I have some of what he's got?!

The growth and development of little kids is amazing, and my initial love for the subject has only multiplied since I've had Lucas.



Ps. Sorry for my rant!!

If nothing else . . .

If nothing else goes on here on these days that just fly by, I have to put the funny things Lucas says. Today there were a lot!

Lucas and Megan and I were discussing the goats that Rachel was telling Lucas about on Sunday (Josh and Wendy's). I asked Lucas if he was going to bring one home and he said, "Yeah." We asked him where he would keep a goat and he said, "In the closet".

I was reading Lucas this ridiculous book about a little boy learning to use the potty. We were discussing how peeing on the floor (one of Lucas' pastimes) was not ok. I said, "The carpet doesn't like pee very  much." He replied, "Yeah, the carpet not like pee, only cat hair." Ha!!

Elisha is in the hospital getting IV antibiotics for her leg (ouch) and we decided to make a card. Lucas painted it and I asked him what we should write inside. This was his message (the first two lines are all him. The last two took a little pulling): Good morning! Your picture is done. Are you okay? I love you Sheesha!

One of my favorite things Lucas does reminds me of the "age" we're living in. Very rarely does Lucas pretend to talk on the phone. Instead he takes my old cell phone (aka Lucas' toy) and sends "messages" to Miles, Easton, Daddy, and sometimes even one of the girls. He talks out loud as he does it, which is what I do when telling him I'm sending a message: ". . . I . . . am . . . coming . . . to . . . pick . . . you . . . up . . . Easton!"  I want him to know I'm sending messages for a reason, communicating something, instead of blindly pitter-pattering away on my qwerty keyboard, unaware of my surroundings.  It's important for me to teach Lucas to communicate, in a lot of ways, even via text.  (;

Cuteness

Ok. Seriously. I need to start posting all the ridiculously cute things Lucas says. I'll forget if I don't. I'll call them "Lucasisms". Ohhhh, my iPhone autocorrect didn't like that!

Lucasism:

Last night as Lucas was lying in bed I asked him what he thought Brian and Rachel's wedding would be like. . . 

L: There be firetrucks at Daddy's wedding.

J: Oh? Firetrucks?

L: Yeah! And firemen!

I wanted to say, "Hey! Sign me up Lucas! Woo hoo firemen!" However, I thought maybe it was a tad on the inappropriate side.  (:

Lucasism: 

I bought Lucas some ear protectors for the demolition derby we're going to on Monday so he can keep his hearing. He was messing around with them . . . 

J: Hey Lucas can I see your head phones?

L: No. They're mine. They're for the "car mush".

J: Car mush?

Car mush = Demolition Derby!!!  Ha!

I love toddler language! 

Little Voice

I've started taking voice recordings of Lucas because he's just so darn cute.  I've had to work my butt off looking on websites about how to post these on here, but I've uploaded them for you!  Hope it works!

Lucas and I read books before bed every night.  He really likes it and it eases the "no-fun" part about going to bed.  Plus, it entices him to actually get into the bed!  (:  Here are a few of his favorite stories, plus, the random conversation I recorded.  Modern cell phones are so cool sometimes.

#1: Jamberry and Knut the Polar Bear

#2: Simone Goes to the Market

#3: Lullaby

#4: Random Pre-Bed Conversations

Just a note though, this will automatically download the file to your computer!  (:

My little boundary tester . . . .

Every child has a personality and a way in which they use that personality to test boundaries when you give them limits.  Some kids throw massive temper tantrums.  Some kids give you the silent treatment.  Some kids yell at you and hit you.  Some kids cry.

Then there are those kids that make the typical naughty choices and when you try to give them consequences they laugh you.  These kids make me crazy because they are generally very charming and they use this charm to try and get out of a dicey situation.  Lucas is this kid.  Of course!  God blesses me with the most challenging kind of child.  Bah!

So, on we go, Lucas and I, with our adventures and I am going to work on trying to get him to make better choices so he doesn't drive his teachers and I crazy.  (:  He's really funny, honestly.  And he's super cute.  But sometimes he knows this.  I want him to keep that sweet little boy side.  I want him to be able to run and jump and play and be wild sometimes.  But, I don't want him to run away from me.  I don't want him to use his strength to push over shelves in his classroom.  I watch him and he does these things because HE thinks they're funny (and his friends at school think they're funny too).

So, because time outs only work marginally and because I'm not a spanker (doesn't matter, Brian's tried it, he laughs), I'm gonna keep looking for something better.  Maybe some more positive reinforcement instead of negative?  I also have to remember that he's 2 and very egocentric and "in the moment" (which, of course, is developmentally appropriate).  He's also a really good little guy most of the time.  It's just those times he wants to test the boundaries, it's usually in really unsafe situations.

Brainstorming.  This is where all my job training and education comes in handy, right?  (:

Bedtime routines . . . they are a changin'

So, it's been a busy few weeks in our household.  First of all, let me say, I am thrilled to pieces that Lucas has been so much healthier this year.  Even if he gets a cold and coughs until the end of winter, it will still be an improvement from last year.  Yes!!!

I was telling Sara today, as we watched Lucas and Easton play, that our boys  are turning into preschoolers before our very eyes.  Those little baby bellies are slimming down.  Those rolls in their legs are slowly disappearing.  Those words are flowing together into sentences.  Bittersweet.

I nursed Lucas for much longer than I thought I was going to.  I was always a firm believer that a year was the absolute most I would nurse.  As Lucas turned 2 in November, I was still nursing once before bed and once right at wake up.  I knew he didn't need it anymore (nutritionally).  I also know that he could fall asleep and stay asleep without it and be just fine (he does it at his dad's just fine).  I also didn't want his first memory to be of me saying "no more".  I knew it was getting time to say goodbye to that last part of Lucas' infancy, but I was terribly worried that he would be so upset.

One night, a few weeks ago, it was just Lucas and I at bedtime.  He had been at Brian's on most of Saturday and Sunday, so it had already been a few days since he'd nursed.  As we got ready for our normal bedtime routine, I sat him on my lap and he said, "Night-night?"  This is what he calls it because he attributes it to when he goes to sleep.  I said, "No, night-night is all gone."  He looked at me, whined for about a half second, and said with some finality, "Night-night all gone."  I tried rocking him to sleep, because that seemed like what he'd tolerate normally, but he just wasn't falling asleep.  So, I took him back to his crib and laid him in it.  I wedged my arm through the crib slats and rubbed his back, singing him to sleep.  He crashed, tear free.  I was amazed!!  It couldn't be this easy.

I prepared for the next morning, which is our other nursing time.  I grabbed a few bananas and crackers, his water cup and my computer.  When Lucas woke up in the morning, instead of bringing him into my bed with me to nurse, i brought him into my bed, we ate bananas and we watched Barney.  He looked at me and said, "Night-night all gone?"  And I said, "Yes."  It was that easy.

That night, night #2, I did the same routine.  As he fell asleep, I started feeling really, really sad.  I started crying!  He sat up and looked at me, alarmed, and said, "Mama?" I tried to perk up and I helped him lay back down.  I got him to sleep and then bawled my eyes out, on the couch, mourning the loss of my baby.  I texted a few of my friends and they assured me that I wasn't crazy.  I also Googled the side effects of stopping breastfeeding and hormone surges are one of those fantastic side effects.  Hormones or not, this was a relationship that Lucas and I had for over two years.  He is getting so big and although I am so thankful that he is a healthy, developmentally normal little guy, I get a little emotional with every step away from me that he takes. 

I have a friend, and in one of those text messages where I was all hormonally teary, he said to me, "He's still going to need you for a long, long time."  This made me feel better.

Now, our night time routine has changed so much.  It's actually a lot easier.  At 7:00 we get into the PJ's, take the medicines, change the diaper, do the puffer and brush teeth.  Our favorite part of this time is guessing which animal his multivitamin will be.  Lucas always guesses it will be an elephant.  Anyone who is at home with us at this time usually participates in the guessing.  At 7:15 or so (or earlier if it doesn't take us that long to get ready), we read.  Reading is so important.  I love reading to Lucas.  We have so much fun reading.  This is one of my most favorite times of the evening with him.  As wrapped up in the day, cleaning, bill-paying, working, blah-blah-blah, as I get, I still like to shut it all off for AT LEAST that chunk of time.  Right now he's really into "Good Dog Carl", "Snow", "Puff the Magic Dragon", and the rabbit airplane book (I can't remember the name of it at this moment).  He's really fascinated by the letters "O" and "S" right now, so we point out the O's and S's in the titles.  We note that the rabbit book and the snow book both have won the Caldecott Medal and have it displayed on the cover (we call in the "neigh" award because it has a horse on it).  There are all sorts of routines with each book.  Lucas named the baby in "Good Dog Carl" after his friend at school, Natalie.  In the "Snow" book it's a story about a boy and his dog in the snow, so we've renamed the characters Lucas and Strudel.  We've given names to all the people in the pictures hanging on the wall in the story. 

After stories, around 7:30-7:35, we go into Lucas' bedroom.  I give him all sorts of kisses and hugs and lay him in his crib.  Then I have ach of his "animals" tell him "goodnight" and give him kisses.  Then I arrange them around him in his crib.  I ask him what color he wants me to make his owl (it's a bedtime nightlight).  He usually says, "blue".  Then I ask him what color he wants me to make his frog (lights up stars on the ceiling).  He says, "Not pink!"  Every night he says this.  His owl will light up pink, but his frog doesn't have a pink color.  He thinks it's funny to point this out!  Then I lay two big blankets on him and finally his giraffe blanket.  Then I sit next to his crib and rub his back and sing to him.  First I sing "Twinkle, Twinkle" and then I sing "You Are my Sunshine" until he's asleep.  I've made up new verses to "You Are my Sunshine" (besides the verse we all know).  The other REAL verses to the song are really sad and awful.  I love the song so much though, so I've made up happier verses to go with the chorus.  I plan to keep him in his crib awhile longer, but I'm almost excited to get him into a bed so we can read stories and I can sing and lay with him instead of trying to wedge my arm through the crib slats!

Lucas falls asleep faster with this routine.  He also has been sleeping, on average, an hour longer in the morning.  I think it's because he knows there is no more "night-night" to wake up to.  So, he sleeps in.  Every day, at least 2-3 times, he'll ask me or tell me, "Night-night all gone?"  But he's never gotten upset about it.  Meanwhile, this milk machine over here, over two weeks later, still has milk.  GEEEZE!  How long does this take?

I hope, in whatever future I have in store for me, that I am blessed enough to have another child.  I would love to share this experience with someone.  But, I'm 33.  Biological clock's a ticking.  I'm single.  Even if I met someone tomorrow, building a relationship takes time.  There's a 50/50 chance that I won't get that opportunity to have more kids.  And while it makes me very sad, I'm working very hard to enjoy this time I have with my Lucas.  I am lucky enough to get THIS opportunity.  I very much love this part of my life.

Pillsbury Dough Bunny

This morning the TV was on and a commercial with the Pillsbury Dough Boy came on. Lucas stopped what he was doing, looked up at the tv and said, "Bunny!" I said, "Hmmm. A bunny usually has long ears. Does he have long ears?" Lucas grinned and said, "Bunny!"

Today Megan's car got totaled at work after being hit by a man having a medical emergency. Lucas was thrilled by this because he now knows another person who has a broken car. "Megan car broken. Oh no! Not mama car broken. Mama car fixed. Daddy truck broken." He understands what "broken" is and this just delights him!