Megan told me that I must blog tonight. I said to Lucas, "I need to update your blog." He got this look on his face, very confused, and he said very slowly, "Blog?" You know, the place where I write all about you and I? The place you'll make me take down when you're a teenager? So here I am Megan!
My little, tiny, tube-fed baby is now a big, chatty, smart three-year-old. How'd that happen? I know, I know. It just keeps getting faster. No one needs to tell me that anymore. Rawr!
I'm having so much fun with Lucas right now. We do lots of really fun things and he makes me laugh a ton. He says the funniest things. I try really hard to really listen to Lucas and not be that parent who just nods and says, "Uh huh." But, my goodness, I feel like I'm being pulled in seven different directions between my work, housework, work, cooking, work, grocery shopping, work, stretching my thin budget, work, parenting, oh, and WORK. I am extremely blessed to have a job where #1, I get to be in the same place with my son all day. I hire all his teachers. I know way more of what's going on than I would know if I was dropping him off in some random school. #2, I get a 50% discount on childcare. There's no way I'd be able to afford full-time childcare without this discount. I don't qualify for DSHS assistance (by like, $50). It's crucial for us and our financial survival. And, #3, I get a huge amount of vacation and sick pay so when Lucas gets sick for 3 days in a row, like this week, I can actually afford to be gone (at least financially).
But, my job is brutally stressful. I'm stretched thin. I don't have enough help. I don't have the resources to pay the staff what they deserve, which means they leave . . . a lot. I have too much to do, which means I need to prioritize and some things get left behind. This makes me look flakey and I can't succeed. It's kind of a cycle. I can never do my best when I don't have the resources to even get close. But that feels like a reflection of my work ethic.
I try really hard to separate work and home life, but I have a job where that can creep in. I get texts at night or in the morning. People get sick. People forget their key to the building. So, the stress from work can creep into home. I've made very significant strides in this since Brian and I were married. I try very hard to take my vacation time, all of it, each year. I have put way more responsibility on my teachers now than I used to. But, it feels like where I've made strides to leave more at work, they've added on more responsibilities to my daily workload.
Is there a point to this bitching? Yes. I think my biggest struggle as a parent is that I don't have enough time to really play with Lucas as much as I want to. I have double the responsibilities that a couple would because I am solely responsible for the cleaning, shopping, budgeting, cooking, you name it. Everyone is always like, "Hey, Jamie, what are you going to do when Lucas is at his dad's this weekend? Big plans?" Ha! Well, first they'll be a little bit of exciting GROCERY SHOPPING! And then, VACUUMING! And maybe, I'LL SLEEP TILL 6! Well Jamie, why don't you go out and meet people, date? Oh yeah? Maybe like, at a bar (gross)? With all my plethora of male friends? With all the men I meet in my job? No, no, no. It's a lot harder than it seems. I'm always looking at these women who jump back into relationships after a failed on, the single moms, and I am flabbergasted. Where the hell are they meeting all these guys? I think I might just be picky (although, to be fair, I've had like 0 chances to be picky, thank you).
In any case, after my rant, I use this time to cook and clean so that when Lucas comes home I can actually spend some time with him. And even during that time I feel like I'm having to tell him that I've got to clean the kitchen for a few more minutes, and so on. Maybe I just over think it. I just feel like there has to be a better way for me to spend that quality time AND get that other crap done AND think about things like dating (because I really, really want to have more kids, and NOT by myself again).
I think my new anti-food diet is making me cranky! And, shouldn't I be losing some pounds here?! Come on! Give a girl a break! (:
Funny Lucas story to end the evening, because that's really what we all want to read, funny Lucas stories. This summer, my friend Brianne was cooking for the Y. While Lucas and I were eating breakfast one morning, at home, Brianne had called and said that she'd set off the fire alarm cooking because she'd burned something. The fire department had to come and check the building out before her, the other teachers, and all the 1 and 2 year olds could come back inside. I asked what she was cooking and she told me she was boiling carrots! This was hilarious. And Lucas thought it was funny too. But this was in July-ish. Almost 5 months ago.
Tonight, Lucas was pretend cooking. He was making him and I carrots. I was in the living room and he was in the kitchen. He yelled to me, "Hey mom! I'm making some carrots for us." I said, "Ohh, Mmmm, thank you!" And then he said, "But, don't worry, I not burn them!" His memory is impeccable. Can I have some of what he's got?!
The growth and development of little kids is amazing, and my initial love for the subject has only multiplied since I've had Lucas.
Ps. Sorry for my rant!!
